Friday, September 30, 2005

Trim Trim The Evil Clown Charged With Rape, Child Molestation and Continuous Sexual Abuse

"He dresses as a clown," said Sgt. William Megenney. "It's pretty much your normal, run of the mill clown type outfit: the white pancake makeup, the red wig, the big clown shoes."

I don’t have to make this stuff up.

Fears and ‘phobias’ about clowns are not necessarily irrational:

David Albert Lemus Southern California Clown about town in a minivan.

I won’t go into details.

Here are a few of the depressing reports:

http://www2.dailybulletin.com/news/ci_3070217
http://www.nbc4.tv/news/4484329/detail.html

Or search the phrases:
National Orange Show Events Center in San Bernardino
David Albert Lemus
Trim Trim the Clown


Bond was set at $500,000.

Fearful cold shiver.

A Clown Face is a Mask, a guise or disguise - there will always be those who use the ruse of innocence and goodliness. These things are not new.

Beguilers: People can look and act like a Clown and still not be a real Clown. Our lives are filled with impostors and posers.

Shall you know them by their works?

-----

If only there were evil clowns somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of the clowns and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every clown, and who is willing to destroy his own heart?

- A. Solzhenitsyn

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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Bromide The Clown Loves to Play Substitution

Evil Clowns love stories and sketches
They use them to explain-mock the world
To themselves
and Others

In this skit Bromide reveals the powers of Substitution and Parody to a neophyte clown.

- 2 Clowns

- Distractingly engaging women in flirtatious red dress, clinging, but not tight, ruffling in her confident sexual strides, an alluring smile that boarders on innocent, her full red lips . . .

- Extras in grey, peace officer, sailors, etc.

Ext. Day:

Bromide The Clown: The Big Top is a system, Oddity. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see?

[Honk!]

Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the Clowns we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy.

[Yoink!]

You have to understand, most of these Clowns are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect Banality…
Were you listening to me Oddity [meow], or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?

[Woof! Woof! Wolf Whistle]

Oddity The Clown: I was... [Splat – Oddity is pied]

Bromide The Clown: Look again. Spritz it! [Whooosh!]

Oddity The Clown: This...this isn't the Big Top?

Bromide The Clown: No. It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you are not one of us, you are one of them.

Oddity The Clown: What are they?

Bromide The Clown: Deadpan literalists and apathetic nonvoters. They can move in and out of any circus still hardwired to Banality. That means that anyone we haven't enlightened is potentially an audience member.

Inside the Big Top, they are everyone and they are no one. We have survived by amusing them, by frightening them, wearing floppy shoes and red noses. But they are the gatekeepers. They are guarding all the doors. They are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or later, someone is going to have to pie them.

[Gasp]

Oddity The Clown: Someone?

Bromide The Clown: I won't lie to you, Oddity. Every single Clown who has stood their ground, stood up for their dignity, everyclown who has fought this injustice - has lost. But where those Clowns have failed, you will succeed.

Oddity The Clown: Why?

Bromide The Clown: I've seen the unenlightened ignore dry humor and even pratfalls. Clowns have emptied entire whoopee cushions at them [Phhattt!] and got nothing but stony faces.

Yet their soul sucking dullness and tedious minds are based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as funny or at least as slightly humorous as you can be working a room with a three drink minimum.

Oddity The Clown: What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge tomatoes? [Boom! Oddity is knocked off stage]

Bromide The Clown: No Oddity. I'm trying to tell you that when you that when you’re Really Funny, you won't have to.

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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
- Steven Wright

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Evil Evil Clown Comment

My last post ‘Clyde the Clown Coloring Contest’ drew my first comment.

I was elated
and suddenly afraid…

Anonymous said...
It’s so nice to see satire is not dead!

Wait, this is satire right?

Wait, what's satire again?

Thanks,
Lips vib kipple


Dear Lips vib kipple:

Thank you for taking time to write.

To answer your question:

I don’t know.

Satire and Irony have become foggily unbound; I stand on uncertain ground.

I concoct, conjure and am confronted with folly and virtue from the everyday. In my uncertainty and in my confusion I lose track of who the clowns are anymore.

When I speak it is equivocation; when I act it is a lampoon. Overcome with semi-consciousness
I attack with imperfect tenderness.

In a word: help me.

Litotes
Evilevilclown.blogspot.com

-----

I fake my life like I've lived, too much
I take whatever you're giving, not enough
Overground, watch this space
I'm open to falling from grace

Sneaker Pimps, 1996

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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Clyde the Clown Coloring Contest

You could have won a $50 gift certificate to Toys 'R' Us

Clowns are often used in comics, illustrated texts and other visual aids to capture the attention of younger people - to educate them about important topics.

The good people at the North Carolina Department of Labor (Elevator and Amusement Device Bureau) had just such a scheme at work for their Rider Safety Campaign:

Enter the N.C. Department of Labor's Coloring Contest!
You could win a $50 gift certificate to Toys 'R' Us



The N.C. Department of Labor is sponsoring a coloring contest for kids in grades K-5 as part of a campaign to keep riders safe at local fairs.

How to enter:

Download a free copy of our coloring contest sheet here.
Color Clyde the Clown.
Mail your entry to the N.C. Department of Labor, Communications Office, 1101 Mail Service Center, Raleigh, NC 27699-1101.
[(919) 807-2796 or 1-800-NCLABOR]
Entries will be accepted from August 15 through October 23.
Drawings will begin in September and continue through October.

Twelve lucky kids will win $50 gift certificates to Toys 'R' Us.

Winners will be contacted by phone, so be sure to include your contact information.

Winning names will also be posted on our Web site.

Download the Coloring Sheet


Though the contest is over I found it inspirational. I even found a whole rider safety clown coloring book here.

This is my evil clown drawing (see page 4):


Maybe it’s for the best that the contest is closed.

-----

According to an online children's survey, children who were asked which they trusted more, their parents or their computers, mostly voted for their computers.

- J. Healy, 1998. Failure to Connect: How Computers Affect Our Children's Minds - for Better and Worse.


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Monday, September 26, 2005

Evil Clown Sentenced to Life in Prison for Halloween Rampage

Homicidal Clown terrorizes residents with Assault, Kidnapping, B&E, Shooting and Murder
Portage Michigan man Curtis [the Clown] Dawkins has been sentenced to life in prison without parole for breaking into a home and shooting a Kalamazoo man he didn’t know – and who didn’t know him (among other charges).

In Unrelated News

Lake Michigan has dangerously high levels of Mercury Poisoning

Known health and Neuropsychiatric effects of Mercury include:
Sever agitation
Poor cognitive function
Nervousness
Mood problems
Mental changes
Memory loss
Manic depression
Irritability
Insomnia
Hallucinations
Extreme fear
Explosive anger
Emotional instability
Depression
Confusion
Brain damage

-----

"When you find youself sinking into Madness, dive."
- Malkavian Proverb

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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Evil Clowns are No Accidnets

How did we get here? Some propose evolution, creationism, intelligent design and aliens. Evil Evil Clowns have their own ideas:

Evilution (n):

A general name for the history of the steps by which Evil has acquired the morphological, social, and metaphysical characters which distinguish it; a gradual unfolding of successive phases of growth or development.

That theory of generation which supposes the germ to pre["e]xist in the parent, and its parts to be developed, but not actually formed, by the procreative act; Evil doesn’t love you, but it will fuck with you.

That series of changes under natural law which involves continuous progress from the homogeneous to the heterogeneous in structure, from the single and simple to the diverse and manifold in quality or function, i.e.: from good to Evil; a process of development in which Evil becomes more and more complex by the differentiation of its parts, a continuous and progressive change according to certain laws and by means of resident forces; a process in which something passes by degrees to a more advanced or mature stage; [syn: development]; The sequence of events involved in the evolutionary development of Evil.

Having or exhibiting qualities tending to greater and greater injury and mischief; having a nature or properties which tend to badness; being morally corrupt/bad or wrong; wickedness; mischievous; not good; worthless or deleterious; multinational corporatism; International Monetary Fund/policy; General Agreement on Trade and Tariffs; political apathy; incivility; intolerance, racism; wrong; vicious; as, evil conduct, thoughts, heart, words; producing or threatening sorrow, distress, injury, or calamity; unpropitious; calamitous; an evil force, power, or personification; something that is a cause or source of suffering, injury, or destruction: the social evils of poverty and injustice; anything which impairs the happiness of a being or deprives a being of any good; anything which causes suffering of any kind to sentient beings; injury; mischief; harm; -- opposed to good; as, Evil Clowns, evil tidings; evil arrows; evil days; an evil tyrant; causing ruin, injury, or pain; harmful; anger or spite; malicious and the like [See: Seven Delicious Sins]. Syn: Mischievous; pernicious; injurious; hurtful; destructive; wicked; sinful; bad; corrupt; perverse; wrong; vicious; calamitous.

The process is by some mistakenly limited to organic beings; by others it is applied to the inorganic, the psychical and the metaphysical. It is also applied to explain the existence and growth of institutions, manners, language, civilization, and every product of human activity [see politics]. The agencies and laws of the process are variously explained by different philosophers.

The ultimate and logical conclusion of universal processes and entropy: A good tree can not bring forth evil fruit. --Matt. vii. 18; the inevitable victory of dark forces over the light; The evil one, the Devil; Satan the Day of Reckoning.

The tendency for humans to contribute to the evolution of Evil:

Ah, what a sign it is of evil life, When death's approach is seen so terrible.
- Shak.

Evils which our own misdeeds have wrought.
- Milton.

The evil that men do lives after them.
-Shak.

…But I am in
So far in blood that sin will pluck on sin:
Tear-falling pity dwells not in this eye.
- Shakespeare, Richard III, act IV, SCENE II.

The heart of the sons of men is full of evil.
-Eccl. ix. 3.

He [Edward the Confessor] was the first that touched for the evil.
-Addison.

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murder, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man."
-Mark 7:21

“I believe that all government is evil, in that all government must necessarily make war upon liberty...”
-Mencken's Creed

There is an evil tendency underlying all our technology - the tendency to do what is reasonable even when it isn't any good.
-Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Evil will always triumph over good, because good is DUMB.
-Dark Helmet, Space Balls (movie)

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but seldom a mistake.

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"Bother," said Pooh, as Cthulhu arose from the mists...

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

A Clown Song For All Events

Clowns should always have a song in their heart
and at the ready,
here is one for your consideration…

Rules & Regulations

As you go from day to day
Looking for a better way
And you think you've got in all under control
So you bend the rules a bit
As you try to make things fit
But you know you should be doing as you're told

Although sometimes you'll find it so hard
And the wrong way may seem easier
It doesn't matter who you are
Obey the rules and you'll go far

We all live by rules and regulations
Rules and regulations now
Isn't it a bore, isn't it a chore
Sometimes it's so hard
remembering all those

Strict rules...codes...laws...all those stipulations
Rules and regulations now
But without those rules and regulations
Where would we be now

So you see you have to try and do the right thing every time
If you do, then you will come to the conclusion
That there is right and there is wrong
And the rules help you along
And they're really only there for your protection

Although sometimes you'll find it so hard
And the wrong way may be easier
It doesn't matter who you are
Obey the rules, and you'll go far

We all live by rules and regulations
Rules and regulations now...

Mike O'Donnell & Junior Cambell Britt Allcrot Inc.

-----

Evil Clown Arrow:

You can be happy,
if you give up hope.

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Evil Clowns Are Proud Of Their Sin

"All clowns are liars and murderers at heart, like their father, Satan."

Though there are many Clown and Mime ministries and many Clowns who declare their Christian faith not everyone is comfortable with Clowns, some believe Clowns violate moral and religious law.

Then there are those who actively campaign against what they perceive as a moral scourge.

I offer the following extracts for Informational Purposes Only. Content does not necessarily reflect context or the view and are the responsibility of the participants. I hope you know your Bible:

"Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? Nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore they shall fall among them that fall: at the time that I visit them they shall be cast down, saith the LORD." Jeremiah 6:15.

God Hates All Workers Of Iniquity.
"The foolish shall not stand in thy sight, thou hatest all workers of iniquity." Psalm 5:5.

"And they shall go forth, and look upon the carcasses of the harlequin [Clown] that have transgressed against me: for their worm shall not die, neither shall their fire be quenched; and they shall be an abhorring unto all flesh." Isaiah 66:24.

Clowns are wicked and sinners before the Lord exceedingly (Gen. 13:13)
are violent and doom nations (Gen. 19:1-25; Jgs. 19)
are abominable to God (Lev. 18:22)
are worthy of death for their vile, depraved, unnatural practices (Lev. 20:13; Rom. 1:32)
are called coxcombs because they are filthy, impudent and ironic (Deut. 23:17; Mat. 7:6; Phil. 3:2) produce by their very presence in society a kind of mass mockery from their wine made from grapes of gall from the vine of Sodom and the fields of Gomorrah which poisons society's mores with the poison of dragons and the cruel venom of asps (Deut. 32:32, 33)
declare their sin and shame on their countenance (Isa. 3:9)
are shameless and unable to blush (Jer. 6:15)
are workers of iniquity and hated by God (Psa. 5:5)
are liars and murderers (Jn. 8:44)
are filthy and lawless (2 Pet. 2:7,8)
are natural brute beasts (2 Pet. 2:12)
are nimrods eating their own vomit and sows wallowing in their own feces (2 Pet. 2:22)
will proliferate at the end of the world bringing final judgment on mankind (Lk. 17:28-30)
have been finally given up by God to uncleanness dishonoring their own bodies among themselves, to vile affections, and to a reprobate mind such that they cannot think straight about anything (Rom. 1:23-28)
have no hope of Heaven unless they repent (Rev. 22:15)
which they can't do in their prideful state (Jer. 6:15)
they need to hear this truth if they are to have any hope of penitence, faith in Jesus Christ and salvation (I Timothy 4:2-4).

"It's NOT OK to be a clown. It will damn the soul, destroy the life, and doom any nation that tolerates such evil. God Hates Clowns is a profound theological statement, which America needs more than it needs oxygen or bread."
Only a Clown would argue with that.

-----

I’m not really a Clown, I just like to wear the shoes on the weekend.- Anon

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Monday, September 19, 2005

The Missing Evil Clown Drawings

Where are all the Evil Clown Paintings and Pictures?
How do you satisfy your dark cravings?


All good boys and girls know that Evil Clowns manipulate search engines using Search Engine Optimization (SEO) strategies. They want your eyeballs, but they don’t actually have relevant content. “Evil Clown Drawings” is (currently) a very popular ‘key phrase’ with a relatively low level of results for the search engines to work with – Yum!

Often artists, photographers, writers and other cool people don’t know fen about Marketing and even less about the dark art of SEO. The result is fen search results – you can’t find what you need.

Even sniffing for your umbral cravings using the image tools of your local engine overlooks much coveted material - often creators don’t title file names descriptively, use synonyms, ‘alt tags’, textual content for spiders or a complicated link structure that supports their content.

What can you do?

Find a community.

I have been lurking in deviantArt. I like the place, its murky sensibilities suit me.

The deviants who work the centre ring are artists themselves – this is important. One of the ring masters is a Clown named Lolly.

Check out the galleries of these deviants:
khrass
betocampos

Or search ‘Clown’ off the main - the search tool is under development but there are currently 16,957,229 deviations and scraps indexed: www.deviantart.com

But don’t hesitate to wander the labyrinth.

-----

Queen Elizabeth: Shall I be tempted of the Clown thus?
King Richard: Ay, if the Clown tempt you to do good...

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Sunday, September 18, 2005

The Tears of a Clown

What if this were Heaven?
Wouldn't that be Hell?


Now if there's a smile on my face
It's only there trying to fool the public
But when it comes down to fooling you
Now honey that's quite a different subject

But don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
'Cause really I'm sad
Oh I'm sadder than sad
Well I'm hurt and I want you so bad
Like a clown I appear to be glad
Ooh, yeah

Well they're some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown when there's no one around
Oh yeah, baby, baby
Oh yeah, baby, baby

Now if I appear to be carefree
It's only to camouflage my sadness
And honey to shield my pride I try
To cover this hurt with a show of gladness
But don't let my show convince you
That I've been happy since you
'Cause I need to go
Oh I need you so
Look I'm hurt and I want you to know
For others I put on a show ...

Well they're some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown when there's no one around
Oh yeah, baby, baby
Oh yeah, baby, baby

Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my surface hid
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in a lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around
Oh yeah, baby, baby
Now if there's a smile on my face
Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Don't let this smile I wear
Make you think that I don't care
'Cause really I'm sad...

Smokey Robinson & The Miracles lyrics
1970 - 1 week at #1 - 14 weeks on chart

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Saturday, September 17, 2005

Christ Centered Clowns

When you least expect it
clowns appear during the Sermon
they sneak in
a hidden truth
under the guise of hysterical laughter


They are eager to help you select a new name,
devise a disguise and
mask your true face with makeup.
They create their own scenarios.
They wink and invite you to join in on their secret game.

Haven’t you always wondered what a Gospel oriented Clown does for Halloween? I know I have.

There is lots out there on the Internetwood surfing ‘Clown Ministry’.

WARNING:

Be sure you know the Clown Commandments before you spring upon an unsuspecting congregation.

Otherwise here is a skit for the kiddies:

Breaking The Law: The Way To Salvation
Setup/props: A big poster with the ten commandments written on them (could look like stone tablets) saying at the top “God's standards for Life”. A few balloons with a sign that says, “Balloons for sale $1 each”. A big Bible

Script
Part I:

Clown 1 Walks in with a big Bible under his arm

----

"... Suicide should be prevented. Identify if your friend.."

- Outofcontext

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Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Rise of the Psychopathic Clown

Driven by Extremes of Humiliation and Hatred

Newspapers are for idiots – most of the time. Infer what you like about my opinion of the media at large, but I have been a fan of ‘Vancouver's Opinionated Newspaper’ (The Republic - www.republic-news.org) since I first came across its manual edition.

Though I often disagree, to varying degrees, with the contents of Publisher and Editor Kevin Potvin’s creation, I find it a provocative good read.

Regular contributor Michael Nenonen recently (August 18 to 31, 2005 • No 120) wrote Stop clowning around - Clowns are becoming more prominent in popular culture, and that’s bad news.

He reaches through pop culture to skip thoughtfully around world religions, the bacteria in a cockroach's kiss and class struggle. It’s a great article - And hey! Don’t you love a newspaper that lets writers uses words like zeitgeist, patriarch and histrionic?

Click here to check it out and have a look around while you're at it: Clowning

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Evil Clown Pictures Worth 1000 Words

I admit it; I look for clown pictures online at work. Usually I’m disappointed. Clown drawings and photos are usually numbingly repetitious in look and content – or just cribbed/lifted/borrowed from sites I have already been to.

When I find a good image it is a huge standout.

Worth1000 (www.worth1000.com) has a Lot of content culled from a huge base of image manipulating fanatics. The site has Variety, Humor and an excellent ‘crap filter’.

Viewers love it; submitters have mixed feelings of the love/hate variety.

WARNING: addiction is a distinct possibility.

Celebrities beware.

Clowns is an excellent place to start: Photo manipulated clown pictures

www.worth1000.com/galleries.asp?rel=Clowning+Around&display=photoshop&id=6194

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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Bozo the Clown is DEAD – Long Live Intellectual Property Clowns

Many people have Bozo and NoBozo fixations – Bozo the Clown has gently entertained children and adults the world over; for many the character and image is a nostalgic icon. Of course, Bozo has freaked many a child and adult out…

There have been many Bozo incarnations and literally hundreds of men have officially taken up the role.

So What? Well, Google News informed me today that Jerry Sando (71) who played the Surreal Trickster on TV passed away.


All boys and girls know Evil Never Dies.

Bozo is interesting not only for the creepy resonance of an era I can barely imagine, but for the serious fights, anger and money a contrived symbol of sweet innocence engenders.

Though the creation of Bozo has been disputed, the ownership of the creature is staunchly enforced. Under current law the rights to the spirit of Bozo will outlive all the people who possessed it; it might be fair to ask, who truly possesses who?

There are many comments, letters and discussion about the ownership of this Clown out there. You can start here: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=bozo+intellectual+property

A quick Bozo the Clown overview is available at www.wikipedia.org - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bozo_the_Clown

Fair Use of copyrighted material aside, if you are interested in licensing Bozo the Clown check out this crappy website: http://www.larryharmonpictures.com/

##

Monday, September 12, 2005

Shalimar the Clown - The terrors of a clown

This is excerpted from John Freeman's review of Salman Rushdie's new novel Shalimar the Clown for Scotsman.com

As I review this I wonder at the choices; both Rushdie's and Freeman's. Clown as Terrorist.

Shalimar the Clown (Salman Rushdie's new novel), is a book about the dark side of storytelling, about its occult power... a former US ambassador to India, is butchered to death by his Kashmiri Muslim driver, who goes by the name Shalimar the Clown...

From feasting to famine, and from clowning to killing, this metamorphosis is the backdrop for all of Rushdie's characters, which occasionally makes this a difficult novel to follow... Shalimar the Clown is a book without a centre; it is more like a dragon that consumes its tail as it proceeds forward... Civilization constantly erodes towards chaos. Its characters do not sit still long enough to have 'character'.

Here is how one man was convinced of his allegiance with extremists: "He was beaten, obviously. Then his beard was set on fire. Then electricity was offered to his eyes, his genitals and his tongue. Afterwards he claimed to have been blinded in one eye, which was an obvious lie, an attempt to blame the investigators for a previously existing condition. He had no pride and begged the men to stop. He repeated his lie, that he was just a schoolteacher, which offended them. To assist him they took him to a small stream containing dirty water and broken glass... He lost consciousness to avoid questioning, so when he woke up they chastised him again. In the end it was deemed correct to let him go. He was warned that the next time he would be killed. He ran away screaming: 'I swear I'm not a militant. I'm a schoolteacher.' These people were beyond saving. There was no hope for them."

http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/thereview.cfm?id=1919562005

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Clown Beats Man for Bicycle at Burning Man

Not all Clowns are nice. Not all Clowns are Fun or their idea of Fun is different from yours...

Here's a little ditty about a Clown who Committed Grave Bodily Harm:

"A man dressed as a clown who assaulted another man and stole his bicycle at a counterculture festival last year has been sentenced after the victim's friends tracked down the disguised assailant.

Dennis Hinkamp had to have two plates implanted in his arm after the attack at the Burning Man festival in the Black Rock desert, Nevada, Associated Press reports."...

Evil clown caught

Registration is required - alternatively, search google news for full text.

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Getting Started

This is an Evil Evil Clown marketing test.

It is according to the shapes that I lay my plans for victory,
but the multitude does not comprehend this.

Although all can see the outward aspects,
none understands the way in which I have created victory.

Sun Tzu

-----

Keep a smile on your face and the whole world

will have no idea what you're planning.

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