Bromide The Clown Loves to Play Substitution

Evil Clowns love stories and sketches
They use them to explain-mock the world
To themselves
and Others

In this skit Bromide reveals the powers of Substitution and Parody to a neophyte clown.

- 2 Clowns

- Distractingly engaging women in flirtatious red dress, clinging, but not tight, ruffling in her confident sexual strides, an alluring smile that boarders on innocent, her full red lips . . .

- Extras in grey, peace officer, sailors, etc.

Ext. Day:

Bromide The Clown: The Big Top is a system, Oddity. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see?

[Honk!]

Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the Clowns we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy.

[Yoink!]

You have to understand, most of these Clowns are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect Banality…
Were you listening to me Oddity [meow], or were you looking at the woman in the red dress?

[Woof! Woof! Wolf Whistle]

Oddity The Clown: I was... [Splat – Oddity is pied]

Bromide The Clown: Look again. Spritz it! [Whooosh!]

Oddity The Clown: This...this isn't the Big Top?

Bromide The Clown: No. It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you are not one of us, you are one of them.

Oddity The Clown: What are they?

Bromide The Clown: Deadpan literalists and apathetic nonvoters. They can move in and out of any circus still hardwired to Banality. That means that anyone we haven't enlightened is potentially an audience member.

Inside the Big Top, they are everyone and they are no one. We have survived by amusing them, by frightening them, wearing floppy shoes and red noses. But they are the gatekeepers. They are guarding all the doors. They are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or later, someone is going to have to pie them.

[Gasp]

Oddity The Clown: Someone?

Bromide The Clown: I won't lie to you, Oddity. Every single Clown who has stood their ground, stood up for their dignity, everyclown who has fought this injustice - has lost. But where those Clowns have failed, you will succeed.

Oddity The Clown: Why?

Bromide The Clown: I've seen the unenlightened ignore dry humor and even pratfalls. Clowns have emptied entire whoopee cushions at them [Phhattt!] and got nothing but stony faces.

Yet their soul sucking dullness and tedious minds are based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as funny or at least as slightly humorous as you can be working a room with a three drink minimum.

Oddity The Clown: What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge tomatoes? [Boom! Oddity is knocked off stage]

Bromide The Clown: No Oddity. I'm trying to tell you that when you that when you’re Really Funny, you won't have to.

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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
- Steven Wright

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