Evil Clown Negotiates Behavioral Interview

How to beat this Human Resource Management (HRM) FAD

Interviewers are generally not looking for self centered porn surfers who like to get loaded at business dinners, back stab other departments, taking files home at night, looking for a better job with the competition and don't plan on working 'in this hole' any longer than they have to.

Behavior-based interview
Personal experience interview

What is a behavioral interview?

It is a trick.

Overtime, everyone tends to ask the same kinds of questions. The questions become pretty well known and consequently so do the ‘right’ answers.

“So Ken, you want a McJob, can you answer a few questions for me? Great:

If you had a date planned, but I called at the last minute and asked you
to work, what would you do?”

You job is not just to lie, but lie well. Take time to prepare answers and justifications. Resist impulses to snicker, roll your eyes, stare through interviewer or wonder if the uniform would melt to their skin if it caught on fire.

It might hurt but smile a little and make eye contact.

Simple strategies its true, but it is surprisingly effective at fooling those doing the hiring while they are trying gauge your capacity for soul crushing labor, abuse and humiliation.

Enter the behavioral interview: Based on the hypothesis that your future is based on your past.

Pure Genius! Aren’t modern minds frightening?

Questions are designed to draw out ‘real life’ experiences were you needed to take action to resolve a ‘challenge’.

You need to:

Briefly explain the situation
What you did
What you said
How you felt
What you thought
The outcome
What you learned

The shaved ape doing the candidate screening or hiring is looking for behaviors someone else has probably decided are important to the success of the position.

Because you are going to lie during the interview you can take comfort from the fact that the behaviors being searched for (Not the Skills) are rarely actually used on the job.

If you get asked behavioral questions about ‘team’ experience – what do you think is the actual day-to-day managerial culture and practice of the business? Go on, three guesses…
There are many good and fictitious reasons for this disconnect between what an organization tries to believe what is going on and actual reality. But this subject alone is worth volumes so I won’t go into it now.

The important thing to remember is, like any great performance you need to do your research, learn your lines and rehearse, rehearse, rehearse!

What if you don’t have successful career stories to draw on?

Borrow TV sitcom plots
Certain reality TV elements can ad drama
But sure to replace elements and names to cover your tracks and add legitimacy to your enterprise, e.g.: replace Jack with Jill and replace rat with working lunch.

What if you’re asked what is your strongest or weakest trait?

Simple, you don’t believe in strong or weak characteristics. Everyone has
characteristics that can be a good or bad match for a situation.

A methodical detailed oriented person might make a fantastic auditor, but not be
able to make quick managerial decisions. So it is more a matter of understanding
yourself and your tendencies and compensating for them in light of the situation
and needs at hand.

Smile.

Wait for them to speak first.

Evil Clown

Try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn

- Barenaked Ladies, Pinch Me

-----

Image filtch:
Beyond Hollywood
http://www.beyondhollywood.com/moviepics/officespace9.htm

##