Saturday, January 14, 2006

They No Not What They Have Wrought

Viagra's Evil Clown Side

The member hardening drug is all the rage in spas, gyms, bedrooms, sports clubs, pools, churches, night clubs, raves, living rooms, circus vans, football locker rooms and cold hard tiled kitchen floors nation wide.

Some people blame Former U.S. Senator and Presidential Candidate Bob Dole for using his credibility to push the drug on an innocent, unsuspecting and abstaining public.

Others blame the blue diamonds' ability to turn any 5 minute wonder into an enduring porn legend, having sex for hours on end with multiple or serial partners who are looking for a long hard pounding that just doesn't stop.

Public Health studies have tentatively identified a correlation between Viagra's availability and a swell of sexually activity.

Though not yet attributed as the cause of this upswing some are already worried about the possible implications and the threat they say it poses to society.

Trina Domore of the American Urological Association explained that blue jacket inhibits an enzyme so that blood can flow into and swell the penis.

She explained by cell from her pole dancing exercise class. "A super stud who gets 100% hard can not get any harder by taking a blue angel," she insists. "But it does keep him in the saddle far longer."

Underground Sex Clubs, moving parties, certain clubs, strip bars and live sex shows find themselves in an emerging alliance with fundamentalist churches, asexuals and mall managers at what they jointly describe as an 'addiction worse than heroine, crack, cocaine, crystal meth or any of that other stuff.'

Viagra abuse, with it's marathon sexual encounters with multiple partners, is pushing sex to the limit in suburbia. Though easy to get it's not cheap.

“People aren't shopping or going to the mall like they used to,” complains box store manager Pell. “Our share of wallet is in real danger. Viagra addiction is a real threat to our economy. Big pharmaceutical companies have to take some responsibility”

Pfizer, who owns the rights to the billion-dollar gold mine, disagrees. Contacted in his hot tub, Daniel Watts a marketing official for Pfizer, begs to differ, he smugly states that "stopping Viagra abuse is the job for public health agencies, and not us. I have to go now."

  • Litotes The Clown


  • -----

    She asked me to run a marathon. I told her to, "Piss off!"

    She said "Come on, where's your Heart? It's for handicapped and blind kids."

    Then I thought..."Fuck...I could win this..."

    - Kvitsh of Liza's Pills

    [Out of context and slightly twisted by an evil clown]

    "It is my life's mission to bring you the best, most eclectic, the furthest outside, the jazziest, the snazziest tunes. "

    -----

    Image Credit:
    Beautiful Stories For Ugly Children: BSFUC
    http://www.beautifulstoriesforuglychildren.com
    Volume 1
    Including: Cotton Candy Autopsy

    ##

    4Comments:

    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    As your father I am very disappointed in the mis-spelling of your title for this post!

    Remember, know doesn't mean no!

    C.M.

    Sunday, January 15, 2006 4:20:00 PM  
    Blogger Litotes The Clown said...

    Abashedly sorry Pere, after all it was you who taught me never to use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.

    Litotes The Clown

    Monday, January 16, 2006 10:09:00 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    you shame me, evil clown.

    Monday, January 16, 2006 7:10:00 PM  
    Blogger Pills the Clown said...

    You make me laugh with shame.

    yon evil clown.

    Monday, January 16, 2006 7:45:00 PM  

    Post a Comment

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